I haven’t been able to be creative lately because I am overwhelmed at the moment. I am finalizing my wedding, yeah right? I think it’s all done but now there are issues at work I can’t control, but as the supervisor must work to correct.
Sigh. It is a struggle. I feel helpless. No matter what I do each night I struggle to go to sleep. And worse, if I do sleep it’s for an hour or two then up all night.
I should be over the moon happy and joyous. I wish I could be. I wish all this anxiety and pressure could be removed. I am mentally and physically breaking down where I should be excited. I feel alone in this struggle, though I know I am not.
My fiancé can easily ignore stressors in life, lucky him. He can turn it off or tune it out. I believe he doesn’t understand my struggle. At times I believe he just wants to tell me to snap out of it and don’t worry so much. But I am not that person and never have been. I wish I could be. I gave tried. I even read a book on not giving a f*#k. Seriously it’s a great book, look it up. I knew as our wedding date grew near I would worry. Sigh…
So I struggle no way to release the stress, anxiety, worry. Trapped. I am in pain. I need sleep.
I write this in hopes that all the chaos swirling around me stays here. Stuck between these letters, in the cloud, out of my head and onto this digital page. I need it to stay, my health depends on it. Seriously, I feel so tired and sick and that just adds to it. I want to make it through this struggle intact. Right now I don’t know if I can.
So to the pain, worries, anxiety, stress. This is your home, your spot. Inside this random rant I leave you.
Unconventional Conformity 